Repairing Without Reactivity (Part 2)
The COVID-19 pandemic is seismically shifting our life priorities, creating a new world order, and bringing out the best and worst of humanity, when millions of lives are at stake.
There is an analogy that can be drawn between the biological and psychological response towards COVID-19, that shapes how we survive and thrive from this outbreak.
Why is the aging population more vulnerable to COVID-19? It is because they are more immuno-comprised, or have weaker immune systems to fight the virus. On the other hand, why do some healthy, young doctors die on the front lines? One reason could the way their immune system responded to protect their bodies. In response to fighting an unknown virus, the immune system generates an autoimmune response that ends up attacking the virus and the body's own tissues and organs. Treatment couldn't save them because the autoimmune response was too strong - all organs start failing because the body's own antibodies are systematically destroying everything, both good cells and bad.
Ideally, you'd want your immune system to fight the virus in a measured way, by complementing medical treatment intervention to strengthen the body's immune response to COVID-19.
Our psychological response varies with how skillful we are in managing our reactivity. If we are unable to practice self-awareness in times of crisis, we end up becoming too reactive in our fight for survival, harming ourselves and others in the process, similar to an autoimmune response. This reactivity is driven by an intense fear that can feel very real, triggering toilet paper buying frenzies, racist attacks to divorces. To contain the outbreak and maintain social cohesion, we've been inundated with all sorts of responses to COVID-19. There's the China response. The WHO response. The Trump response. But have we questioned our own response in the midst of uncertainty and fear this pandemic is generating? Is our response impulsive or skillful? Is it helpful to ourselves and to others?
I, too, felt the fear, anxiety and panic this week. Although the root of the fearful situation was not COVID-19 related, the panic and anxiety still felt very real to me. At times when I feel reactivity coming on, I use it as a way to ask myself, what kind of help or support do I need? This is a more skillful inquiry to make of ourselves instead of blaming others or turning to self-loathing because we feel negative.
Sometimes, when I am in problem solving mode, I act on advice or receive help that hinders rather than serves my goal. If I do perceive that is the case, I freak out, big time, and end up having a massive anxiety attack in my room. It is difficult to feel grounded in a state of panic and to stop the catastrophic thinking. Breath work, spiritual counsel, talking to a family member, making breakfast, and taking a bath - all these activities in the past 24 hours helped me palliate my anxiety whilst I wait for the mental storm to pass. In the meantime, I still keep my lifelines open for support, and practice skillful replies with society.
The scary part of the whole experience is how real the fear can feel, which tells the lizard brain in us to fight fear with fear in order to survive, or worse, feel completely helpless. It feels real, but feelings may not reflect reality as it is. I think the personal upside to experiencing a depth of such visceral fear and anxiety frequently enables more access to skillful handling when crisis situations hit, such as COVID-19, and future conflict. I was calm about COVID-19 from the start because I was mentally prepared for it, and took preventative measures to practice social distancing and hand hygiene well over a month before the lock downs took place.
Reactive behavior brings out the worst in us and can have far-reaching consequences. It can mean the end of a marriage, to causing others harm. Some real-life examples include:
A couple starts bickering over who hadn't done the dishes. Minutes later, it explodes into a full-blown argument. Within a month, the couple files for divorce whilst in social isolation.
An Asian student is beaten up by a bunch of juveniles for his race. Images of his abused face goes viral, prompting a global outcry at the mistreatment of Asians over COVID-19.
A pregnant mother lies to hospital staff about her exposure to COVID-19 patients because she wants to give birth first instead of being tested. She finally confesses to her exposure after delivery, when she started developing symptoms. As a result, the whole hospital is locked down for days for deep cleaning and testing of all staff, preventing others from seeking treatment and risking the lives of healthcare workers who treated her, and the lives of the healthcare workers' friends and families.
Running with our reactivity disconnects us from the best versions of ourselves. This is why we need to practice skills to bring out the best in humanity during times of crisis. Love is a skill. Compassion is a skill. Empathy is a skill. Resilience is a skill.
Psychological resilience enables us to practice the Golden Rule of civilization in times of crisis, to do unto others as you would have them do unto you, and to not do unto others what you would not have them do to you. So don't go out and risk infecting others, stay home. Discriminating others is not a loving response. Thinking about the plight of others who are in pain and the shared suffering we are in, helps us access an expansive way of practicing love and compassion. It can be encouraging healthcare workers on the front lines to only buying what you need, so other vulnerable members of your community can purchase what they need.
Every act of kindness counts. Every moment of practice in self-awareness and equanimity counts. Sending love to all beings. May you be safe, peaceful and happy.