Nurturing Growth In Marriage: Investing in My Most Important Life Partnership

As the OpenAI saga unfolds and notable shifts occur in the crypto industry (Binance), it prompts a reflective exploration into the essence of partnerships and relationships. In the ever-changing landscape of technology and leadership, my focus gravitates to a recent, deeply personal celebration — my marriage. Beyond the corporate sphere, the sacred union of marriage serves as the cornerstone, a resilient bond that extends beyond ourselves, forming the basis for lasting connections. In a world where divorce is increasingly prevalent, embracing a contrarian outlook is a unique position I'm happy to adopt. It serves as a daily reminder of the strength derived from steadfast commitments, both in the face of industry transformations and the intricacies of daily life.

Warren Buffett once emphasized that the biggest life decision we’ll ever make in shaping our success is marrying the right person. Today, as I celebrate my recent marriage, I wholeheartedly resonate with this wisdom. Who you will marry will set the course for both your personal and professional journeys. 

Research backs the Oracle of Omaha up: according to a study conducted by psychologists from Carnegie Mellon University, individuals with supportive spouses are more likely to give themselves the opportunity to achieve success. Additionally, a Washington University study reveals that having a conscientious spouse can result in an annual salary increase of $4,000 and enhance prospects of receiving promotions. 

Throughout my career-focused adult life in the past two decades, I held onto my childhood dream of a happy marriage. As I navigated the complex landscape of modern-day relationships, I realized that my childhood dream of a happy marriage was being heavily stress-tested in a world where norms in sexual orientations, gender identities, and diverse relationship orientations were ever-evolving. In my late thirties, I never gave up in pursuing my dream despite the skeptics who believed I was too old to find love in Asian society. Through all the challenges, I stood firm in my choice to prioritize reciprocity in love, over the temptation to settle for stability. On my 2019 vision board, I deliberately charted out long-term aspirations— "Building For Growth," "Save The Date," "Integrating My Partner of Choice," and "Family Fun Days." Now, in 2023, these aspirations have seamlessly transitioned into the reality I now live and cherish. 

Let's place success in a broader context — which extends beyond financial measures. Promotions and bonuses, while valuable, stem from the success of the relationships you cultivate. At the heart of these interpersonal connections lies the most pivotal one— your marriage, a life partnership that singularly influences all other social circles in your adult life. A successful marriage is an indicator of how well you can navigate personal and business partnerships, build trust capital, and collaborate in decision making. In embracing the interconnectedness of success, I've come to appreciate the profound influence of a flourishing marriage, not only as a personal source of joy but as a dynamic force contributing to the greater tapestry of societal growth and development. All the decisions that are made in the day-to-day life of a marriage, as we transition from traditional economic roles of a single income household to dual income households, have ripple effects that contribute to society and actively shape nation building efforts. It starts from parents believing their daughters should have access to education, to a new generation in the workplace that believe in women empowerment and breaking glass ceilings for diversity and inclusion. The change is real: I had the privilege of receiving an education in the 1990s, whereas my grandmothers' generation in the 1930s was denied the same opportunity. 

Women's rights in the workplace still have a long way to go, and I am blessed to have a supportive husband who believes in women empowerment and women earning board seats. I can only draw parallels between my husband's unwavering support and that of Marty Ginsburg, who provided steadfast support to his wife, the late Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg. She became the second female United States Supreme Court Justice in 1993 and dedicated a significant portion of her career to advancing women's rights and the constitutional principle of equal citizenship rights for both men and women. Their contemporary marriage served as a model of equality during a time when clerkship applications for women were rejected based on gender, and traditional gender roles within households remained deeply entrenched. 

Today, there is still a long way to go in achieving gender equality, and there is much work ahead for those of us who champion women's empowerment. During a time when I doubted my own voice, it was my husband (who was my fiancé at the time), who encouraged me to compete for marketplace awards and let my leadership track record shine. For this, I am immensely grateful and glad that I stuck to my guns.

My journey from girlfriend to fiancée, and now wife, was a smooth and seamless transition, thanks to the unwavering support of my incredible life partner and husband. Just recently, he surprised me with a thoughtful gift—a bouquet of roses—and encouraged us to prioritize ongoing dating, even in the married phase of our journey. This gentle reminder reinforces the importance of persistent effort in nurturing our relationship, far beyond the honeymoon phase.

Marriage, unlike the often described post honeymoon precipice where intimacy and romance plummets like an inverted yield curve, is better likened to a graph—a curve of incremental growth over time. The honeymoon phase may evolve, but it doesn't have to fade; it can transform into a more profound connection fostering enduring happiness.

Integrating two lives is an ongoing endeavor, with dynamics evolving from our dating days. Drawing parallels with the devops world, continuous improvement and continuous deployment = the practice of continuous dating in marriage. As a married couple, we emphasize dating with increased care and love, recognizing our deeper commitment to one another. This involves maintaining robust communication, providing mutual emotional support, and embracing change and growth. The success of our marriage sends a powerful social message to our families and communities—we are a dedicated team, complementing each other's strengths and weaknesses, and expanding our partnership with combined networks.

To those embarking on or immersed in the marriage journey, remember that love is an ongoing story of incremental growth. Embrace the idea that your love can continue to deepen, with each chapter more meaningful than the last. The goal is not just to be married, but to be happily married. Invest in your relationship, cherish every moment, and ensure your love remains a lifelong and profoundly rewarding journey.

In a VUCA world, my heartfelt gratitude extends to the lifelong partnership I've embarked upon. Marriage is not a singular event; it's an ongoing journey demanding continued investment and unwavering commitment to keep the love alive. Inspired by my husband, who encourages a growth mindset in our marriage, I aspire to be a better partner every day. Our mutual pledge to share our lives together in holy matrimony represents a substantial and generational investment.

For those hoping for love, have faith that you will find it. If you can't believe it for yourself right now, I will believe it for you. As a celebration of love, here's a video of my wedding journey: